


Unreliable Narration

by Tazzy_Ladynero



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, Can't stress this enough, Confusion, Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers Spoilers, Gen, I'm serious here, It's a hobby, Lvl 78 spoiliers, WoL makes the minions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 18:24:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20178715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tazzy_Ladynero/pseuds/Tazzy_Ladynero
Summary: The Warrior of Light takes a bit of time to reflect on the various mysteries and secrets surrounding him and finds comfort in an unexpected place.





	Unreliable Narration

**Author's Note:**

> This has serious spoilers for Shadowbringers up to the level 78 Main Story Quest. If you don't want spoilers, feel free to click away. I won't be offended.

I had to admit I was rather surprised I was able to slip away from everyone that was building the Talos without anyone either questioning where I was going or offering to come with me. This close to Mount Gulg meant sin eaters were an even bigger problem than normal, but after everything that had happened, I needed a bit of time to myself. Especially with the battle against Vauthry and the sin eaters under his control loomed ahead of me. I had to briefly pause, leaning against a large boulder, to catch my breath as pain stabbed through my chest, and I could almost hear crystal crackling under the force before it faded back down to the manageable levels I was almost getting use to. Ever since Qitana Ravel, the minor pain I had been experiencing had been increasing. Always before, I could use the excuse of being tired, too much fighting, too much traveling, and even being dragged to a completely different world to explain the ache in my muscles and bones. But after Malikah’s Well, there was really no denying what was actually happening.

I was dying by ilms. Poisoned by corrupt Light and wasn’t that ironic? I had fought to help those on the Source to live better lives before being dragged here to prevent the Eight Umbral Calamity that would essentially destroy all of the remaining reflections and return everything to the Source, possibly wiping out countless lives. And this was to be my reward.

To be honest, I wouldn’t have minded this fate so much if I just had a clear picture of what was truly going on. There were too many puzzles whirling around me and not enough  _ facts _ to point me in a single direction, to say “Yes, this is the correct path”. Yet another reason to take some time for myself and try to clear my head.

Settling down behind the boulder, I pulled a metal box out of the bottom of my pack. It was beat up and showed signs of being dropped on the ground more than once in my hurry to shrug off my pack before some monster or manner of beast pounced me, but what was inside was more valuable to me than all the Gil in Eorzea. It contained my hobby and my tribute to those whose paths I had crossed in my various journeys. A couple I had purchased from various vendors commemorating certain events while the rest I had painstakingly put together after I had purchased lessons from one of the craftsmen and signed a contract stating I wasn’t going to go into business as competition against them. 

It had been worth it, though, as I had been able to create one of a kind wind up dolls. Most of the ones I had made of various monsters I encountered I left under my bed at the Rising Stones, and I was  _ very _ glad to find that the Crystal Braves hadn’t been interested in such things when they had betrayed us. I hadn’t wanted to remake all of those, but these were the ones that were most precious to me.

Flipping back the battered lid, I removed the rather stained cloth from the top to reveal the wind up dolls neatly packed on half of the case with the other half holding supplies to create more. The cloth was spread on the ground in front of the box, and I looked at my collection seriously as I thought about who I wanted to “attend” this particular council and brain storming session before lifting them out. 

Aymeric in his blue armor and with his sword at his side. Estinien in his Azure Dragoon armor with his lance. Ysayle looking as heretical as ever. Haucherfaunt in his chainmail. I hesitated a few moments before pulling out Urianger wearing the outfit I saw in him when I walked into the Walking Sands that first time, all dark and mysterious with a book in his hand. Once they were settled on the cloth, sitting with their backs propped up against the box, I reached in one last time to pull out some gray cloth and a jeweler’s box containing bits and bobs for decorations.

“I don’t know who to believe these days,” I murmured, addressing my words to the motionless dolls even as I bent my head to continue working on the miniature astrologan’s outfit that was a copy of what Urianger wore these days. “Too many secrets are being hidden from me or being doled out in a way that I’m not sure I can actually trust the words.” I huffed and pointed my needle at Unrianger, sitting there silently. “You’re the worst with your secrets.”

Shaking my head, I carefully threaded the needle and started stitching the tiny robe together. “I trust you with my life, Urianger, and you told me if I knew what was to happen, it wouldn’t work.” I tossed the doll a droll look. “The last time you told me that, it was when I was going to fight Fordola rem Lupis, and it worked, which is the  _ only _ reason I’m trusting you now.”

I gritted my teeth against a minor lash of pain, breathing through it as it faded again, and I shook my head. “Emet Selch is an Ascian and has been working towards the Restoration. Ascians can’t be trusted, but it feels like at times, he’s the most honest among those around me,” I muttered before tossing my Elezens a wry grin. “There have been times when I have been tempted to throw my lot in with him, except his an  _ Ascian _ and they’re not to be trusted.”

The robe was finished, and I picked up Urianger, carefully removing his scholar clothes to slip the gray robe on, fastening it up the back before I started digging through the jewelry supplies. 

“I miss you all more than I feel I have a right to.” 

My confession was soft, and I blinked back the tears that suddenly wanted to fall as I pulled out some tiny brass chains with red glass beads. I couldn’t start crying, not now when someone could come around the boulder and see me being weak. I had to be the strong Warrior of Darkness (And I think  _ that _ was the most ironic title of all) that was going to destroy the Lightwardens and save this world and those that still lived here. 

“The Crystal Exarch is hiding the most secrets from me, and it’s difficult at times to trust him,” I sighed, focusing on the tiny astrologian robe to add the appropriate decorations. I didn’t have the right materials at the minute to make the globe and card holder that was Urianger’s weapons of choice these days, but I might be able to find something to work later. If there was a later. “He claims to have brought Syrcus Tower completely from Eorzea but has feigned ignorance on what happened to G’raha Tia whom I  _ know _ sealed that place behind him before going to sleep, waiting for the day when Eorzea would be ready to handle the wonders found within that crystal structure.”

A few more decorations, this time on Urianger himself, and the doll now looked like the Elezen I was familiar with these days. I placed him back next to Aymeric, tucked the old clothes into the box before pulling out some wood to start a new doll. I decided Lue-Reeq, my hunting partner and the painfully lonely young Mystel, deserved to have a place next to my other friends. I would have to find some way of matching his hair color with what bit of furs I had, or maybe I should find some yarn and attempt to dye it? That had worked for Y’shtola’s hair.

“I think the thing I’m most afraid of happening isn’t this slow dying,” I said, my voice soft and almost hidden by the sound of the chisels as I carved the wood into some semblance of a face. “It’s that I might turn into some massively powerful sin eater and no one will be able to take me down.”

My eyes lifted to my silent audience and I offered them a wry grin. “I’m familiar with everyone’s fighting style even though a few have changed since we fought together in Eorzea. How do you take down someone who is not only powerful but also knows how you would twitch during a fight?”

“By trusting your friends to know what they’re doing.”

I twisted around, eyes wide, as I stared at Dulia-Chai as she managed to lower her rather large frame down onto the ground to sit next to me. Somewhere, she had traded her fine clothing and jewels for a much more sensible and sturdy dress, and it actually made her look very matronly despite the fact she seemed as sweet as Nanamo and nearly as innocent. 

An embarrassed flush stone across my cheeks as I started tucking the chisels away, trying to not seem as if I was trying to hide everything even though I really wanted to at this moment. How much had she heard? She was one of those I was fighting for, and I didn’t want to ruin her opinion of me, not when I had been the one to lead the charge on Vauthry and essentially destroyed the false paradise he ruled over. 

Before I could stop her, Dulia-Chai reached out and scooped up Haurchefant, carefully turning him over in her hands. “Oh, he is simply an adorable elf! Wherever did you find something like this?”

“His name was Lord Haucherfaunt Greystone of House Fortemps, one of the Four noble houses of Ishgard,” I stated, feeling that old ache throb in my chest again as I could feel him lying in my arms, his breath rattling in his chest. “He died in my arms, protecting me from an aether based attack at my back.” I reached out with trembling fingers to brush a bit of soft yarn hair out of those painted eyes. 

“He sounds like he was quite the friend,” she murmured, a small smile on her face before she looked at me in confusion. “I’ve never heard of this Ishgard before. Was it swallowed up by the Flood?”

I sighed, feeling tired of having to keep silent over who and what I truly was. Would she understand or would she believe I was delusional? After all, how easy was it to believe that there were other worlds out there, all splintered versions of the Source if the Ascian was to be believed. 

“That is a hard question to answer,” I finally admitted after a few minutes of internal debate. I picked up Ysayle and cradled her in my hands. Another one gone far too early to ensure I could keep the world safe. “Because it would be very easy to simply regard what I say as an unreliable narration, and I have enough of those in my life right now that I don’t want to be spreading them among others.” I shook my head and moved to start packing away my dolls and materials. “You have enough worries on your shoulders both with the talos as well as learning to live without Vaultry’s lies.”

She was far too nice to burden with my problems, especially when she was finding her own path.

“We had a son.”

I paused in my packing and turned to look at her. She was staring down at Haucherfaunt, cradled delicately in her hands, with a sad smile on her face as she stroked his hair with a finger that trembled slightly. 

“His name was Chai-Razz, and he was the most curious of kittens. Always wanting to know how the Talos worked, what they could do, and every other aspect of the Daedalus Stoneworks operations,” she continued, looking up at me with a smile that was tinged with loss, and I sat down to listen to her tale. It was the least I could do since she followed me out here. “Then one day, he was playing near one of the working yards and a sin eater swooped down, carrying him off before anyone could move. No warning, no chance to save him. Simply gone.”

Tears traced their way down her cheeks, and I dug out one of my clean handkerchiefs, offering it to her. She managed a trembling smile as she wiped at her face with one hand. It was an unfortunate story that I had heard many times before, but it never cease to make my heart ache. 

“After that day, Chai-Nuzz found it hard to work because everything around him reminded him of our sweet kitten,” Dulia-Chia said, holding out the doll which I carefully gathered into my own hands. “We decided to retreat to  Eulmore and its promise of safety from the sin eaters because we couldn’t stand the thought of losing anyone else to the sin eaters.”

“How did you live in Eulmore knowing Vauthry controlled the sin eaters?” I asked, my voice gentle out of respect for her loss. I could understand the desire for safety, especially in this world where it seemed like there was little to no hope against the sin eaters and the monster population, but it seemed rather foolish to live in a place where the reminder of what killed her son was there every single day.

“I did my best to forget about it, living each day as if it was the only one that mattered,” she remarked with a wry smile. “Perhaps not the best way, but it worked. It also let us forget about those that depended on the Daedalus Stoneworks for income and food. We just… couldn’t see past our grief.”

Considering how broken this world was and how it had done its best to break those that managed to survive the Flood of Light, I wasn’t surprised that they had retreated to save themselves as they had. My eyes dropped to Haucherfaunt, cradled in my hand, and I could almost hear him teasing me about helping everyone but myself. Would it be so bad to tell her everything and perhaps make some sense out of my churning thoughts?

But where to start? The history of the Source and the thirteen? Being brought to this place while a war waged on my own world? My eyes fell to the various dolls still sitting out before a small smile curled my lips.

“I suppose it all started on a wagon traveling through the Black Shroud to Gridania…”

I don’t know how long I talked, telling her the highlights of my adventures and pulling out the relevant dolls to help my story. She was highly surprised to see Minfilia as she had been when I first met her instead of the reborn Oracle of Light that Minfilia had become in this world. She asked only a few questions that seemed more for clarification than actually questioning my words, and somewhere along the way, tears trailed down my face. I ignored them as best as I could and continued on. To give my hands something to do, I returned to working on Lue-Reeq after carefully packing up the other dolls. Dulia-Chai seemed content to sit there in the merciless light and listen as I talked.

Just as I was winding down, agony exploded in my chest again, and I cried out before I could stop myself. The partially made doll and chisel fell from my hands as I curled over, and dimly over the crackling of crystal shattering, I could hear someone call out my name. I don’t know how long it lasted with a white film obscuring my sight before the pain faded, letting me see clearly again even as lay on the ground, panting in an attempt to get my breath back.

No, I was lying on someone’s lap as a hand stroked my hair. I managed to open my eyes and turned my head to find myself looking up into the concerned face of Dulia-Chai. Her worried expression softened when I looked at her, and she continued stroking a hand over my hair.

“I’m glad to see you’re recovering, dear,” she murmured before looking up at the sound of pounding feet. I wanted to jump to my feet to defend her in case it was an attack, but my muscles felt about as stiff as a bowl of Doma noodles. Her arm across my chest tightened, and I had the distinct impression that she was two seconds from throwing me over her shoulder and running. Considering her size, it might have made for an amusing mental picture at any other time.

“What happened? We heard a shout,” gasped Alisae, and I managed to push myself upright, scrubbing at my face as if I had woken up. Behind her, I could see several of the workers as well as Urianger and Y’shtola spreading out and looking for the source of the apparent trouble. 

“Sorry to scare you. I had a nightmare,” I lied before packing my box of dolls up to tuck it back into my pack. I nodded towards Dulia-Chai with a small smile. “We were out here talking, and I must have dozed off.”

I was really hoping no one was going to ask why I had a box of dolls that I apparently made if the sharper eyed among them spotted the tools and bits of wood shavings on my clothes. Right now, I truthfully wanted everyone to get back to working on the talos and just ignore me until it was time to fight. 

Dulia-Chai huffed as she rose to her feet, and I did my best to ignore the mutterings I could hear that were filled with disbelief over the possibility that I had a nightmare. After all, I was the  _ Warrior of Darkness _ and not some mere mortal who suffered from common things such as nightmares and exhaustion.

“I would like to see any of you face off against multiple sin eaters  _ and _ Light Wardens without a few nightmares dancing around in your heads,” she scolded before shooing everyone back to their work save for Urianger who looked a bit surprised to be called back. I wasn’t sure why she wanted to talk to Urianger, but I focused on replacing my box at the bottom of my pack and resettling everything else.

“Now, this young elf has a great many concerns and fears,” Dulia-Chai stated, and I could practically feel her pointing to me which made my cheeks flame again in mortification. I respected Urianger a great deal and probably had more than a little crush on the mysterious Elezen, but I had always been nothing but polite and respectful towards him. Even when it seemed as if he had betrayed us by siding with the Ascians and Ardbert’s group of warrior, I had hoped that I had merely misinterpreted the situation and Urianger had not truly turned from the Scions. 

Turned from me.

Dulia-Chai patted my shoulder in a motherly fashion. “You two talk and settle things between you while I let the others know you are merely keeping an eye out for any possible trouble.”

Before I could protest, she was gone, ducking around the boulder that had been a refuge for me only a little bit ago. I wanted to run and hide from those golden eyes that saw far too much, and I didn’t want him to be disappointed in me. 

“If thou wishes to heareth mine plan, thy must be satisfied with ignorance for it to work,” Urianger stated after several minutes of silence stretched between us.

I shook my head as I leaned back against the boulder and folded my arms across my chest. “The last time you told me such a thing, it saved my life so I honestly don’t want to know,” I stated, lifting my head to stare at him. “Frankly, I’m not scared of dying. It might be a relief at this point.”

A flash of something was in those eyes and gone again before I could identify what it was, and I pushed my nervousness aside as I continued. “To be perfectly frank, what scares me is that I might turn into a sin eater at best or a Light Warden at worse, and none of you will be able to take me down.”

Now it was a look of pure surprise on his face as if he had never thought of such a scenario. “Thou thinketh that is thine fate? To become that which thy have fought so valiantly against?”

“I’m dying by ilms, Urianger,” I stated, my voice soft and a bit flat. “I’ve accepted this and it doesn’t scare me.” A slightly bitter laugh slipped out of me as I shook my head. “I’ve fought primals, madmen, Ascians, and the Twelve only know what else, and what scares me is the fact that I’ll turn into some monster that none of you will be able to take down because  _ I know how you fight!” _

The last part came out a bit hysterical, but I was starting to reach my end. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and focused on just breathing for a few minutes, or at least until I no longer felt like shattering any more than I already had. Opening my eyes, I stared at the ground, not wanting to meet his gaze. “I know you have secrets, and I’m not asking you to share them. All I want from you is a promise to talk to the others and put together a plan to take me out if it looks as if I’m going to turn into some sort of monster.”

“Why does thou not speaketh to thine allies about thy concerns? Would not this be something to voice to the Crystal Exarch?” asked Urianger, and it helped soothe my stressed nerves that he wasn’t accusing me but merely inquiring.

“I’m not sure who’s telling the truth right now between the Exarch and Emet Selch,” I confessed, staring at him with a serious gaze. “Emet Selch didn’t have to pull Y’shtola from the Lifestream but he did. He could have done a multitude of things to stop us or even make everything twenty times more difficult than it had been, but he hasn’t.” I shook my head in frustration. “I know he’s an unreliable narrator in the scheme of this strange story we’re in, but I’m not getting any information from  _ anyone _ to give me a clue about who I’m suppose to trust.”

Huffing out a snarl, I ran a hand through my hair, pacing slightly as I needed to move or I was going to start screaming at Urianger who didn’t deserve my temper. “Every time we return to the Crystalarium after defeating a Light Warden, I feel as if I’m some child who is patted on the head and sent off to their room while Mommy and Daddy talk to the adults. I’m not included on  _ any _ of the discussions until it’s essentially a done deal, and then I’m simply pulled out of my room and sent off after whatever problem needs handling without so much as a By Your Leave.”

I decided to drop my latest bombshell on him. “I know the Exarch has been watching me. He showed up at my room too fast when I had an attack when we came back from Malikah’s Well to  _ not _ be spying on me.” Urianger’s eyes widened in surprise again, but if it was over the Exarch’s actions or my knowledge of them, I couldn’t say. “Now, I’m not sure how it works here, but on Eorzea, allies don’t spy on each other all the time. Only Enemies watch someone that closely.”

“The Exarch has observed thee, tis true,” admitted Urianger, looking a touch uncomfortable at the confession. “At first, twas to ensure thy did not suffer from thy trip through the Void to reach here, but soon, twas because he feared thy mind grew strained under thy burden of the mantle of Warrior of Darkness as he observed many a conversation thy had with thyself in thy room.”

A snort of laughter slipped out of me, and I shook my head. “No, I’m completely sane,” I told him before humming thoughtfully. Urianger was very good at keeping secrets. Perhaps it would be prudent to share Ardburt with him. “I do have an explanation for those conversations I’ve apparently been having by myself, but it’s a rather fantastical story that would only raise doubts in my sanity and my ability to fight the Light Wardens if it were to get out to others.”

“And yet you would telleth this story to me?” the silver haired Elezen asked, one of his hands coming up to touch his chest.

I nodded. “If you wish to tell Y’shtola, I would agree to such a thing, but I don’t believe the other Scions are ready to hear it.”

It was a bit of a compromise but one I was willing to make. Giving him Y’shtola as someone to confide in should my explanation of a haunting seem too fantastical for him. I trusted Y’shtola to keep it to herself as she didn’t trust the Exarch because of the secrets he was keeping. Plus she had been willing to confide in me about the corrupted Light that was poisoning me. She might have used different terms, but the idea was the same.

Urianger gave me a sweeping bow, “I shall strive to prove thy trust in myself and mine actions.”

He already had my trust and my life, and now he was going to have one of my secrets. Perhaps in this instance I might be considered an unreliable narrator, but I had nothing to lose to be honest.

Leaning back against the boulder, I stared at him as I began telling him about Ardburt, the ghostly warrior who had only wanted to save his world and ended up damning it. I didn’t tell Urianger  _ every _ time Ardburt visited me, but he heard about enough of them to prove my point. Including that I had invited Ardburt to join myself, Alisae, and Alphinaud on the first trip of the newly repaired Ladder.

“Twas wondered by many whom thy was motioning towards afore thy ascent,” mused Urianger, a thoughtful expression on his face, and it was the most expressive I had seen him in a while. If nothing else, my little confession gave him something new to think about. I watched as his hands moved to where his cards were kept, and the stiff but worn paper flickered through is fingers as he stared at them. I wasn’t sure what he was doing so I kept silent until he abruptly stopped, flipping over the top card. It depicted a man pouring a great stream of water out of a large vase, and some tension in Urianger’s shoulders relaxed at the sight of it.

“Thy words ring of truth and the cards reveal that tis the truth thee doth speaketh,” he murmured before tucking the cards away again. “I shall heed thy council and conceal thy secret until such time as thee give leave to speak that which I have concealed from all.”

“Thank you,” I murmured before straightening and shouldering my pack. I felt a bit better now, knowing at least Urianger and possibly Y’shtola were on my side, and if anyone could see through the half truths and scattered lies of an Ascian, it was this Elezen. I managed to offer him a reassuring smile before nodding back to where the Talos was being constructed. 

“We’d better get back and help out with that,” I said, scooping up my lance with a casual manner. “That thing isn’t going to stop Vauthry by itself after all.”

Inclining his head, Urianger fell into step beside me as we made our way back to the work site. I may have been surrounded by secrets and mysteries, but now I knew who had my back. 

**Author's Note:**

> The card and why it was picked: Ewer is the Scholar's Vessel and represents the Fifth Heaven, the Heaven of Water. The Scholar's Vessel pours forth a mighty river that flows across the Fifth Heaven. The river contains all knowledge held in the past, present, and future, and contains the aether spun from Nymeia's loom, which is the aether that makes up magick. The Ewer points one toward truth.
> 
> And yes, it took me a bit to figure out why Dullia-Chai and Chai-Nuzz would go to Eulmore when he was the Heir to the Daedalus Stoneworks and seemed so enthusiastic about his work during the Talos and the Ladder. So, that is completely head cannon.


End file.
